The trouble with food writers

While I’m on the subject of New York Times critics, I should have a go at Mark Bittman one of their food writers. You might know him from that horrible Spanish travel show with Gwyneth Paltrow. Just before we went to Vienna he wrote a review of this restaurant there called Schweizerhaus.

This is the picture that ran with that article. My initial reaction was to think “what an unoriginal hack.” Of all the interesting food in the modern and cosmopolitan city of Vienna he chose this lame beer hall (with a terrible, macro beer selection btw). If he was going to choose a classic Austrian place, he could have gone to one of those Heurigen (wine bars) that I mentioned before. Anyway, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and went.

First of all, the place is in the middle of this horrible bootleg Disney Land amusement park.

Complete with live horse merry-go-rounds.

All he mentioned was that it was “in one of Vienna's large public parks.” Here is how it really looks (like an amusement park restaurant).

Now, although he ran a picture of Schnitzels, he explained how the specialty of the place is Schweinsstetlze. Here is my picture of that.

Maybe the Times thinks this is too unappetizing to have as their lead photo. But he explains that this is the specialty of the house and describes it this way "the skin is close to crackling in texture, with a thin lacquer, and unbelievably delicious; the meat is soft and juicy."

I don't think I would ever use the phrase unbelievably delicious, but especially when it isn't true. What he fails to mention, but my waiter did when he was convincing me to get mustard with it, is that it is very dry (not juicy). It helps you understand why Germans (ok Austrians) drink so much beer with their food, to wash it down.

Anyway, he is wrong about this place. It isn’t very good. It was an ok authentic Austrian experience I guess (like going to Coney Island if you came to NYC), but he should have been more open about the down side.

People say that I am negative when I describe my travels, but I just like to be honest instead of lying. If I pretend I had some amazing experience and transport people to a magical place that doesn’t exist, that will just leave them disappointed when they go there for real.

The one positive of the amusement park was that they had my favorite pinball machine, World Cup Soccer 94.

Here you can see that I have defeated Germany to win the World Cup.

Finally, this is a picture of Kendra in a very gay mood.

If you click on it you can see that people are on trampolines in the background. Regardless, perhaps I should have put that pic on my last post.

More from Austrian gay television

Kendra and I saw this movie the other day. As you can see we are limited in our English language options.I would be interested in what people think. I didn't think it was as bad as the reviews I read. A. O. Scott the reviewer for the Times (and son of Joan Wallach Scott) said it proved that that "lampooning homophobia has become an acceptable, almost unavoidable form of homophobic humor." I don't know if that's true, for instance with Stephen Colbert. In any case, I will try to avoid those pitfalls in the rest of this post.

Here are some hot guys.
Sorry they couldn't be blond and Polish.

Here is the ballet they watch outdoors on the big screen in Vienna.
Sorry I couldn't get a less blurry picture. The dancing was too fast.

Here is me eating a wurst.

Do you guys have anything to eat besides Wieners?

Turns out that they do in Vienna. Here is the lightest fare I could find. It's these little sandwiches open-faced on rye. This place is called Trzesniewski's and shows the diversity of the former capital of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. The owner came from Krakow at the turn of the last century. They have places like this everywhere, but I like this place because instead of hard boiled eggs, pieces of salmon, or caviar; they have spreads made mostly of vegetables. This is (top to bottom) "wild paprika", tomato, and pepper.
This is maybe more what you expected from Austrian cooking.
It is Rindfleisch (beef) served with potatoes and pork with a side of cabbage.

For dessert these (in the front) are KNÖDEL. Although they look fried, there are not. They are dumplings steamed and then rolled in sugar.
Here they are close up. They can be filled with chocolate, plum, or other fruits.
To drink, you are probably thinking beer, but who knew Vienna was more known for its wine. They even have hundreds of acres of vineyards inside the city limits. You can go to one of these places called Heuriger, which are places to drink the newly-harvested wine. Here we are at one.
Like a beer garden, I guess, but for wine. The food here is good. The have like a buffet you can order from with mostly picnic food.
Like potato salad, pickles, sliced meats, cheeses, and slaw.

This is Kendra imitating a goose, which we have seen a lot of but not yet eaten on this trip.